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Author Topic: how will you know if you found the One  (Read 14023 times)
Jason Field
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« on: January 13, 2011, 01:32:30 PM »

Lots are already said, done and written about love and relationships.

But really, how will you know if who you're dating now, is the one for you?
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Dr. G
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« Reply #1 on: January 13, 2011, 02:55:51 PM »

I think it depends on the definition of "to know".

In my definition, you will never truly know. There is always the element of the unforeseeable.

Anyway, there is the romantic aspect and the "feeling" that is involved, that cannot be explained by logic alone.

But then there is the other aspect of consciously knowing who and what you are looking for - and to be very honest to oneself with it.

The last key to "finding the one" is to accept (and love) the other one as they are. Or as Don Miguel Ruiz puts it, 'if you want a dog, don't get a cat and try to change it'.
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Dr. G
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« Reply #2 on: January 13, 2011, 03:17:51 PM »

Oh, one more thing:

Finding "the one" is only the basic condition for a lasting relationship. Making a relationship work requires work. From both sides.
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« Reply #3 on: January 13, 2011, 04:08:05 PM »

Relationship - Connection - Intimacy: Those thing can not be built at the first sign or in few moments. It needs enough time to share, to understand and even to challenge each other. And after all, you will know who is the One.
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adambenedetto
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« Reply #4 on: January 13, 2011, 05:16:57 PM »

Good question, Jason.  I do understand the importance of this and why you are asking.
I would ask myself the question and really listen to the response.  You already know the answer.  You are far wiser and know much more than you realize.  If it is difficult to hear yourself past the emotions and thoughts involved in the relationship, just let them be. There is no need to fight them. Let yourself go even deeper within and just listen.  If this seems like too big of a question to ask yourself right now, try smaller questions and then work up to this one.  It will become easier and easier.  
« Last Edit: January 14, 2011, 04:14:05 PM by adambenedetto » Logged

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Beyond Symbols
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« Reply #5 on: January 13, 2011, 06:09:04 PM »

I think it depends on your personality and what your are looking for in a partner. Some need a fiery relationship and arguing is something that cannot live without. Others search for their soulmates, and only a harmonious relationship with as little fighting as possible feels right for them. And there are many people in between.

When I know I have found the one - when I see my life passing with them.
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« Reply #6 on: January 13, 2011, 06:15:07 PM »

Oh, one more thing:

Finding "the one" is only the basic condition for a lasting relationship. Making a relationship work requires work. From both sides.

I cannot agree more. Cause you might love one another very much, but things happen in life that will put the strenght of your love to the test. One of the issues I consider important is financial compatibility. Just imagine a wife who is a compulsive shopper and a husband who's a gambler -  I very much doubt they will apply for a joint credit card account.

And some people simply haven't seen long lasting relationships in their family environment/ close circle. Models are not there.
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KathyT
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« Reply #7 on: January 14, 2011, 01:56:24 PM »

I remember when my husband & I first got married about 13 or so years ago - we decided that we knew it was time when we could no longer think of any reasons why NOT to be together. Smiley

So, for us, it was that very comfortable feeling of being together with no issues - just warm feelings of mutual respect, ability to be together for hours without the need to even say a word, the ability to do things separately without the other one feeling jealous or left out...

Also, learning that we shared important values and behaviors.

It's easier, I think, when people reach a level of maturity that allows them to look at each other and self with a sense of calm and respect.
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Jason Field
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« Reply #8 on: January 17, 2011, 02:48:48 AM »

Oh, one more thing:

Finding "the one" is only the basic condition for a lasting relationship. Making a relationship work requires work. From both sides.

Thanks a lot for your insights regrding relationships. Whew, I think I've got so much to learn in the love department, especially this one from Dr. G. And it really made me think.

True. your post made me realize that love takes effort to make it work especially in the long term process and for it to be long lasting. Interestingly, finding "The One" is only the initial step. LOL.

And I thought relationships are like as cliche or as quixotic like "destiny". You know, just let fate take its course.
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Sueblue
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« Reply #9 on: January 17, 2011, 06:51:04 PM »

Are you even looking for a relationship, and all that entails, or are you just in love with the idea of love itself?

Is the idea of the perfect partner something that has been romanticized by novels and the silver screen?  Can this ideal actually be realised in real life?

Can it be that some people don't need a partner to be personally fulfilled, they just go along with the idea that they must have one because society feeds them the idea that there is "someone for everyone"?
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Beyond Symbols
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« Reply #10 on: January 17, 2011, 08:33:01 PM »


Can it be that some people don't need a partner to be personally fulfilled, they just go along with the idea that they must have one because society feeds them the idea that there is "someone for everyone"?

Yes, that is how things 'normally' work in society so you don't want to feel singled out - with no Mr. or Mrs. Right for you. I'm also thinking that loneliness scares many people to death - four walls, some furniture, and so many long evenings. You have all the time in the world to think about your life and why Mr./ Mrs. Right is not beside you.
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« Reply #11 on: January 18, 2011, 05:14:17 AM »

I think it depends on your thoughts and feelings when you are with the person. If you feel good, comfortable, at your best, and if these feelings last and come around whenever you are with that person, you can rest assured that the person is for you. A relationship should unfold like the petals of a flower, it should not be  struggle to maintain the relationship. If you are struggling to maintain it, then someone is definitely wrong with it.
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« Reply #12 on: January 19, 2011, 06:44:28 PM »

Yes, I agree it is important to feel comfortable with your significant other but sometimes, you are frustrated because of something that happened to you (got fired, your boss is a pain in the neck, your sis got drank at a party and your fiance's relatives were all there). You can't just smile all over - sometimes, when you are frustrated, you are frustrated. What matters is not to take it out at your partner.
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jmiguelx44
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« Reply #13 on: January 21, 2011, 01:36:03 PM »

A relationship should unfold like the petals of a flower, it should not be  struggle to maintain the relationship. If you are struggling to maintain it, then someone is definitely wrong with it.

Oooh, you nailed it right there, Alliday!

This was my mistake during my previous relationship. I think I'm the only one "struggling" to make it work, exerting the efforts to make it last, coz I'm the one who feel invested maybe coz I'm the one who's more in love than her. So in the end, I am quite "choking" or have pressured her too much I guess, so all the more she pulled away.

And she's too busy and I'm quite selfish of her time, I want her to be there, to feel she's as invested as I am to her. But sigh, it didn't unfold like petals, it wilted and fade...naturally. Undecided
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Eduard
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« Reply #14 on: January 26, 2011, 04:45:27 PM »

Whenever I hear this question I ask back: the one what? Because I think that's a little too vague of a formulation to get a response with real value in it.
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