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Author Topic: I've been rejected  (Read 13150 times)
Jason Field
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« on: December 16, 2010, 08:00:00 AM »

how to mend a rejected ego.

Rejection is common and it hurts. But how do i heal my bruised ego?
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AdiSukhi
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« Reply #1 on: December 16, 2010, 01:56:23 PM »

The first step is to accept what you feel. There is only one thing you have to do; observe. When we become aware of our suffering, it dissolves into the consciousness.
Don't change anything to your situation, it's perfect, just observe how you feel in your guts.
You can know in your mental that you feel rejected, it's not enough because your soul wants to live this emotion, and emotion aren't in the mind.

Sit and observe. Take long and deep breath in your emotion and free yourself of it. Allow you to come back in the happiness.

After that, try to understand with your mind why you lived this situation and what could you do to not live it again in the futur.
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Pretty Damsel
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« Reply #2 on: December 17, 2010, 07:18:34 AM »

I agree with AdiSukhi. Acceptance is the first step and everything will lead from that. For me, acceptance will result to calmness of soul. I believe, it will make you stronger. Everytime you encounter problems, it will make it easy for you to solve it because of the courage and optimism you have.
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Jason Field
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« Reply #3 on: December 17, 2010, 10:05:13 AM »

Thanks for the advice.

Well, that's life, though it's sometimes common, but if it happens to us, we're not exempted from the hurt.

Right now I accepted it and I'll just look for rewards or comfort on my rejection.
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AdiSukhi
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« Reply #4 on: December 17, 2010, 02:50:19 PM »

I found a book where I read somewhat what I am talking about, but clearer ( or more clear, I don't know how you say that in English).

I give you the most important of the teaching;

Quote
The Transmutation Technique

First step (inner contact): Refresh your memory of the emotion and the situation linked to it. Take a deep breath and feel this emotion without limitation. It is in your belly, within you, and you can feel it more and more. Do not amplify it from your normal stance as the victim of this emotion. Instead, listen to it, feel whatever it brings up for you, taste its flavor, accept its shape and form and how it defines itself (even if that is different than how you were defining it), contemplate it, and hold it within you. Be at peace and relive the emotion for a few breaths, up to one full minute. Be at peace. Later in your training you may perform this with some more powerful emotions. For now, just enjoy peacefully contemplating the positive change you just made.

Rarely, you may feel the need to express an emotion outwardly, in order to release some pressure that seems to be building up. On those rare occasions, (and this is not to be done frequently), simply release what you need to let go of, but never lose control over this experiment. When you are just learning these techniques, it is too easy to revert to victim stance, and to begin amplifying how terrible the situation is. Remember that you are practicing just becoming aware of the emotion. When you are unable to bear the intensity of an emotion, you may release some of the pressure; then just continue on with the process. It is obviously not the goal to keep this emotion trapped inside of you, or buried; rather it is the goal of this exercise to release the hold you have on it. Thus it is perfectly fine to perform the process while expressing some normal human emotion. Simply keep track of the experiment without losing your grip on the process. Breathe into your abdomen throughout the entire
process. Do not breathe from your upper torso. Hold the situation that caused the emotion in your mind while you feel the emotion.

Second step (integration): Get inside the emotion and follow wherever it leads you. Breathe deeply and comfortably. As the air flows into your abdomen, your task, as consciousness, is to penetrate the emotion and let it absorb you. Be aware of all the feelings that entering this emotion evokes for you, whether you feel pain or emptiness, coldness or heat, anger or sadness. Get inside of it and become it. The process of Integration requires a conscious fusion of you and the emotion. You are going to allow yourself to be enveloped within the emotion; to be integrated into it. For a few minutes, breathe and accept, breathe and become, breath and feel. Follow the path this emotion leads you on, and you will notice that most of the time, the emotion will be covering another emotion that is buried beneath it.

Every emotion arises into our consciousness because it is linked with some human experience. Use your mind to follow these experiences from the past so that you can remember what happened. You might run thru a few events (while following your emotions), until you come to the first time in your life that you felt that emotion. Stay focused. Do not jump from one thread to another; trace one experience to its root cause, following one thread at a time. As you allow the emotions to exist, without avoiding them or rejecting them, the emotion is freed up, and the
energy associated with it ceases to be trapped; the emotion is alive again, emancipated. When you stop blocking it and permit it to BE, your consciousness can understand the profound essence of that emotion.

from the book
Quantum Buddhism
Mahajrya Bodhana Sutra / Teachings on Awakening to the Great Field
by MahaVajra

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tandren544
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« Reply #5 on: December 17, 2010, 09:54:13 PM »

turn it into anger and use it.

probably not healthy, but thats what i do!
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Pretty Damsel
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« Reply #6 on: December 19, 2010, 12:34:33 AM »

That is really great Jason... Kudos!
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Adventurer
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« Reply #7 on: December 19, 2010, 12:32:48 PM »

Use Eft therapy to release any blocked energy around 'rejected'

start by measuring the level of rejection ypu feel on a scale of 1 to 10
Then begin tapping your left hand at the karate chop point with the fingers of the opposite hand whilst saying: "Even though I feel rejected, I deeply and completely love and accept myself"  do this 3 times

Then tap lightly on the following acupresure points whilst focusing on the feeling and repeatedly saying "this rejection"

1. Crown of the head
2. The bony part on the inside of the eye at the end of the eyebrow (doesn't matter which side)
3. Outside of the right or left eye on the right or left side bony part
4. Under the eye on the bony part - in line with where your eye would be if you are looking straight ahead
5. Under the nose above the lips
6. Centre of chin
7. Collar bone
8. Under the arm about where the bra line would be for a woman

Take a deep breath and repeat 3 times

Check on what level you are at now

This will often either be at zero or will be much reduced

If there is any feeling of rejection left just repeat the whole process but using the words "This remaining rejection" when doing the tapping round.

Let me know how it went :-)
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upgradereality
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« Reply #8 on: January 04, 2011, 08:32:53 AM »

Just think back about all the people who love /loved you and who wanted you in the past.

There will always be people who don't want you, it doesn't mean there is something wrong with you:)

Smile!
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Jason Field
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« Reply #9 on: January 05, 2011, 12:02:34 PM »

Thanks for all your insights guys! I'm actually listening to the song, "I Can't Make YOu Love Me" by a Filipino singer named NIna. Just found it on YOutube. Great song. Many versions and I love them all.

Obviously, I'm still on the process, not over it yet. but thanks!

Yes, adventurer, I'll try it sometime. Thanks
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Beyond Symbols
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« Reply #10 on: January 05, 2011, 07:40:07 PM »

how to mend a rejected ego.

Rejection is common and it hurts. But how do i heal my bruised ego?

Well, it seems to me you have gone half way through the process - you have pinned down what you consider to be the real problem. It is the bruised ego not rejection itself that you have to focus on. All of us have faced rejection at some point in life. I don't know if it helps, but tell yourself that it is time to let things go - you will clear space for some new, and hopefully - positive experiences.
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wisecrone
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« Reply #11 on: January 05, 2011, 09:29:27 PM »

Acceptance is the biggest step that you need to take and you seem to have coped with that part of things.  But don't forget that it is also important to be kind to yourself when you are feeling a bit down about things.  Too often we try and push past what we perceive as negative feelings, and yet if we take a short amount of time to accept (as you have done) and just live in that moment for a while, then you can learn from the whole experience in such a way that you will cope a lot better if something similar happens in the future.

Have a great day
lisa Smiley
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Jason Field
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« Reply #12 on: January 06, 2011, 12:25:52 PM »

Thanks everyone for your tips and advices.

yes lisa, acceptance is a must, because indeed there are things you can't change.

Perhaps it can come later on since it's still fresh on my being and it takes a while for the healing to come into full swing. Still so many what could have beens, though I've forgiven there's still anger, resentment, bitterness, hurt.

But I'm just doing still my daily routines and stuff, thank god. But when I'm alone, aaaarggh the feeling haunts me. oh well
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Tuhin
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« Reply #13 on: January 10, 2011, 12:54:05 PM »

Hi Jason, don't worry about that. You can't satisfy everyone and in fact you don't need to. Success always lives in minority. If you do something really well, for sure many people will go against that.

Focus on your strength. Make it big enough like bulldozer. A small car shakes in a rough surface while its running, a bulldozer doesn't even recognize it.

We must make ourself like that, so that rejection can't touch us.

Tuhin
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Eduard
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« Reply #14 on: January 26, 2011, 05:09:13 PM »

I can think of 2 things.

1. Realize it's not the end of the world. We often have a hard time getting over rejection because in our heads, we make it seem something terrible. We believe that rejection is a catastrophe, and if we get rejected that means we are big losers. In fact, this is a huge exaggeration. Look at rejection realistically and you'll get over it faster.

2. Have a life. People who have a rich and exciting life get over rejection the easiest. It doesn't mean that much to them because they have a lot going on in their lives so there is no reason for them to feel bad. Always take care of yourself and your needs, seek to have a supportive social circle and a cool lifestyle.
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